If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
