Please, let me fuck your mom
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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