Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
