She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Come on in and take your pants off
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