Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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