Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
