True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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