After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
