do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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