Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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