Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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