my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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