I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
