'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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