Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
