Ambien. No doubt about it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize