he puts the penis in happiness.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
