i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
