i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
