yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
