We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
