Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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