i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
