Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In America we eat man semen.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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