How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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