I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
