At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
