so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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