You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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