No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize