i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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