glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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