Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
