I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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