That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
