I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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