Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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