I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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