You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
