I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
