I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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