Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize