I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
