I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
