wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize