$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
