Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
