Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
