Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
