I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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