ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
