TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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