hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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