I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
