I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
