I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
