I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
