I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize