Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
