He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
