mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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