In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
