My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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