ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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