it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
