If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
