its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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