Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
