maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ttyl tear gas
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
