Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize