WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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