Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I deserve this hangover.
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