is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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