you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
