I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
