my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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