even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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