I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
whose parrot is this?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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