peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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