I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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