8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
