I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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