Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
