I'm gonna have a badass scar
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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