My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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