Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
