Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
