go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize