I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
