I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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