I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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